Monday, October 24, 2011

Count Your Blessings (Not Your Curses!)

Save me...
     In the midst of a storm it is so easy to focus on the negative and become quickly lost in the raging waves that surround you. You tightly grip the sides of the boat trying to steady yourself, but to no avail. I am guilty of doing just that myself, getting lost in the sea of hopelessness holding my eyes tightly shut, wishing I would disappear. Then I remember...

Photo I took trying to be creative.
     I remember whose child I am and the promises my Father has made to me. I realize that no matter how alone I feel, He will NEVER leave me alone. He doesn't promise us that it will always be easy, but He promises to never leave us. There is comfort in that.

     I remember all that God has brought me through in the past, no matter how insignificant it may have been. I recall the hurt and pain I experienced during those times, how I never thought I'd "live" again, and how now they seem like distant memories. Like those trials, this too shall pass.

Recovering from my accident.
     I remember the story of Job, and how in the midst of his misfortune he fell to the ground and said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." (Job 1:21) What a HUMBLE attitude! The man just lost his family, his farm, EVERYTHING, yet he fell to his knees in worship!

     With all that I have been struggling through here of late, my increased foot pain wasn't helping. I had been doing so well with the recovery, going to physical therapy three times a week and walking without my cane for a couple of weeks. Then, suddenly it became excruciatingly painful to walk at all. Well, last night while attempting to walk Dallas, I spoke out loud almost without thinking, "Lord, never let me forget." After I spoke the words it was as if I surprised myself at what I had just said (which I had) and I thought about it more. I certainly wasn't forgetting; not with the struggles I deal with on a daily basis in terms of mobility, but perhaps God was REMINDING me to TRUST Him. It was as if the skies parted and a James Earl Jones type voice thundered, "REMEMBER they said you'd never walk again. REMEMBER what I have brought you through." Wow. Here I was focusing on everything going wrong in my life, that I had forgotten all that was going RIGHT! How dangerous and habit forming that can become!

     I remember my blessings, no matter how big or small. I often write them out, and before I know it I have a list a page long in two columns! Upon doing this I quickly feel guilty for allowing my trials to consume so much of my energy, thoughts, and time. My list usually starts with a Savior who GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ME! WoW! I have a friend who gave their life for ME. But it wasn't only for me, it was for you too! How amazing is that? I have a roof over my head, although I am moving soon, but will still have a roof over my head and food in my stomach! I have my LIFE after nearly losing it. I have a puppy whom I love with every inch of my heart. I have a car to get me places and gas in it's tank! The list goes on and on and on...

     So my friend, are you counting your blessings or your curses? According to Switchfoot, "every blessing comes with a set of curses," and I don't deny that to be true, but which are you choosing to focus on? I know, easier said than done. Trust me, I KNOW. But there comes a time when you need to pick up the pieces. For me, that time is now. It's a slow process, but I will rest in the assurance of my Father and He will hide me under the shelter of His mighty wings. After all, He was made for love. WE were made for love. And that's where we belong; "smack dab in the middle of His love." (Quote from The Shack)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Long Road Home

Beautiful NH pathway.
After about three years I am finally getting back to blogging. I decided to make a "fresh" one since I am embarking on a new journey; a journey upon the road less traveled. It seems as though the only thing constant in life is change, especially in my life, and as difficult as it may be there is no other choice but to embrace it with my head held high and back to the wind.

Two broken engagements and a mangled body later (along with a bunch of stuff in between), I stand firm in my faith knowing that everything will work out for the good of those who love Him, me being one of the "those." My pursuit of God never ceases, although at times I may appear more thirsty for Him than other times. At the moment I feel that I am in a dry and weary land where there is no water, just as David when he was in the desert of Judah (Psalm 63:1). I feel set up, washed out, and abandoned, yet I cling to the promise that my Shepherd leads me beside still water and comforts me with His rod and His staff. I try to remember all that He has delivered me from, one of the things being death itself. 

Road in Dade Dity, FL.
I'm currently living in Virginia after moving here for my ex-fiance, and now I am trying to re-rent the house that we signed for together so that I can move back home to Florida. He is a great man with a lot to offer, he's just not the man for me. It's difficult looking back and seeing where I was a year ago mentally, physically, and financially, and comparing it to where I am now. However, I do know that I have grown during this season in my life, even if it was during the hard stuff. Through it all I am to TRUST Him and know that He has a plan for my life, though it may be difficult for me to see at the time. Yes, I am taking the long road home. It's an uphill climb and I can't see the top, but I will get there. I will get there.