Pondering Peace

"Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul; we may preserve it in the midst of the bitterest pain, if our will remains firm and submissive. Peace in this life springs from acquiescence to, not in an exemption from, suffering." —Francois Fenelon

Today marks 1 year since my subtalar joint fusion. This was done in hopes of lessening the pain in my ankle. Unfortunately it resulted in a nonunion, described by Wikipedia as being "a permanent failure of healing following a broken bone." The pain increased immensely, and despite using a bone growth stimulator and seeing some progress, it hasn't healed. So here I am, looking at another surgery, a revision of the fusion, and essentially another summer "lost". Hey, I'm a Florida girl who LOVES the beach!

In all seriousness though, I have PEACE. I can't tell you the last time that I had peace. In fact, you are reading the writing of a girl who has the book, "Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie on her nightstand. (I moved it in there a week or so ago from my bookshelf in my desperate attempt to beat stress). But I haven't even opened it. I haven't needed to. Will I? Possibly in the future. I have read the first chapter or so several years back, and I do recall it had some great insight. But for now, I'll read my Bible.

It's amazing how the more intimate you are with the Savior, the more your thought life aligns with the things of the Spirit.

I was actually driving down the road the other day when my mouth dropped open as I thought, "I have peace. I have peace about my life, my ankle, my marriage, and my future." I am sure that my deliverance session with my pastor helped IMMENSELY, as we sent the spirit of fear packing, but ultimately it was a combination of that and intimacy with the Father.

Quieting the voice of the enemy is crucial to hearing the voice of God more clearly.

It's so easy to get caught up in the little things, and distracted by all that there is to distract us. There are so many things fighting for our attention. But I have found that when I get away to a quiet place, dive into God's word, and enter into His presence uninhibited, the worries of the world (and myself) melt away in the fire of God's love. This fire is available to all of us, at all times. We just need to be still enough to tap into it. May you be consumed with the peace, love, and joy of Daddy God in all circumstances, despite how challenging they may be.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”    —John 14:27

Re-birth Day

It's been quite awhile since my last blog post, and I am slowly but surely trying to get back into blogging. I know my overall blog needs some updating, and I plan to do that, time permitting. However, today marks five years since my re-birth day, and I thought it fitting to make a short post regarding the journey I have been on.

It's hard to believe that my accident happened only five years ago.  I feel like it has been a decade if not longer. I've had to learn to walk again, brush my teeth again, write again, and so much more. I've become humbled by the fact that there were many things I simply couldn't do anymore—many things that I have to rely on other people to do for me. This whole concept was very new to me, having served five years in the military, and it was a difficult adjustment at first. I became like a child, which at the age of 25 wasn't easy. It's by God's grace and grace alone that I have made it this far.

After ten surgeries and increased pain, I often find myself questioning whether or not it is God's will to heal me. I become frustrated with the pain, my limited mobility, and the endless questions that I get asked. But thankfully I come to my senses and realize that I have read the Book, and it is very much His will to heal me. I have to dispel the lie of the enemy—the lie of the world—and believe in the promises of my God. He speaks truths to me that no one else can. He teaches me to rely on Him, rather than my own strength, because He knows that on my own I would fail miserably. And He's right—I have many times. May 29, 2009 marked a new beginning in my life; it was a beginning where I had to allow my Papa to carry me for quite some time before I was able to begin baby steps with Him by my side.

Five years later I am still leaning on Him for support, and trusting that He will not let me down. He gave me the strength needed to graduate May 10th, walked me down the isle one year ago May 17th, and took me through deliverance two years ago today. It's proof that April showers do indeed bring May flowers. And while often times it seems like a year of thunderstorms rather than April showers, I can rest in knowing that I am loved by the God of the universe, and that every now and then I will get a glimpse of the larger harvest I will one day reap. It may not be during my time on this earth, but that is the beauty of eternity; life is a grain of sand on the shoreline of eternity.